Monday, March 31, 2008

Filipino Joke Time



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ay lab the Pilipeeens!!!
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Filipinos are really funny and they are born with the best humor!!!!

SA BAKERY
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.

TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un...TEN MILLER!!!



Things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!

BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?

Imagine if all straight guys are talking in gay lingo.
STUDENT: bakit di mo chinuva yung girlalu? Malaki naman ang susey ng lola
mo ah.
HUNK: Winnie cordero nga dude sa susey, Melanie marquez naman sa
brainwaves. Wit na.
Jaworski while coaching: keber sa kalaban! Just focus! We cannot afford to
luz valdez ! Getlakin niyo yung last freethrow! Windangin yung mga julaban!
Ok! Go for the gold to the highest level mga chorva! Gow lang! gow lang ng
gow!

TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa
dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: eeewwww!

PARI: halika sa sulok
MADRE: bakit po?
PARI: sara mo pinto.
MADRE: wag po!
PARI: patayin mo ilaw!
MADRE: diyos ko po!
PARI: tamo rosary ko. Glow in the dark!

kung totoo ang ' Darwin 's theory of evolution' na ang tao ay nagmula sa
unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?
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CONVICT: Father forgive me for I have sinned.
PRIEST: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
CONVICT: Father, pinapatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo ba naniniwala sa kanya?
PRIEST: Sino yon?

Witness: pagkatapos ng krimen naghiwa-hiwalay na kami
Translator: after the crime, we became sepa-separated

TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!

Se - xy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SE - XY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya mags - ex!
PARI: '**** ina! Di nga?

a great example of globalization: princess Diana, a Welsh princess with an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was dru - nk on Scottish wh - isky, chased by Italian paparazzi on Japanese big bikes. An American doctor tried to save them using Brazilian meds. This message was made by a Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone smuggled from China by a Pakistani based in Quiapo.

a thirsty city girl went to a barrio
GIRL: where galing your water manong?
MATANDA: sa ilog ineng.
GIRL: ha? You drink that water manong?
MATANDA: duhhh! Why, sa syudad ba chine-chew?

Overheard from a girl na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa starbucks:
GIRL: my God, you're so late. Where did you . . . where have you. . . where do you. . . san ka ba galing?

Wife: Gusto kong magpadagdag ng boobs..
Husband: Ha! Di ba masagwa yon... magiging tatlo!

Inday: Sir, karamihan pala ng nakalibing sa
sementeryo ginahasa.
Sir: Paano mo nalaman?
Inday: Kasi nakalagay sa lapida nila RIP!

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa ano ng boy...
BOY: Gusto mo pa uli?
GIRL: Hindi, namimiss ko lang... Meron kase ako nito dati eh.

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!


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Pacman in war wid MILF

Pacman: sumuko na kayo!!

MILF: susuko lang kame pagna spell mo ang ceasefire!!
Pacman: tuloy ang laban!!durugin sila!!Padalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa burol nyo!
MILF: spell chrysanthemum?!
pacman: p@kyu!sabi ko rose...bingi!!!!!

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JoTan is a Foodie, Travel Enthusiast & she lives her everyday life as if it was the last.

 "IT'S FOR THE EXPERIENCE" -- this is what she always tell people when she wants to do something FUN like Mountain Climbing, Rappelling on a Hanging Bridge (which was not determined if it was in good condition since it was a really old PNR Bridge), Eating Beef Liver SASHIMI (yes, the raw one) and even Jumping off the Plane at 15,000 feet.

She also loves to share the new things she learned, her adventures and other personal encounters through this blog :) 

Send me a message:♥ jotan23@yahoo.com